Finally, the side effects are here

(Mom was so concentrating to the newspaper, bcoz she didn't want to feel like tired and be a patient)

I went to accupunture myself, end up I cancelled it bcoz Mom was not feeling well this morning. I wanted to go home early to just be there for her. Even end up she would be in her room and I would be in my room... but the symtoms are out....

She thought she feeling dizzy bcoz of the "Greenbean soup", but I knew it was the side effects.

She had been burbing since last night. If she keep burbing it ... I will call the nurse.

She feel cold... Not too sure if I should add more blankets to her, bcoz she didn't want the heater go up ($$$ plus she doesn't like HOT environment).

However, I told her to sleep whenever she felt tired, or loss energy. I told her to rest from reading newspaper when she felt weird.

Mom didn't want to have those side effects, had been fighting against it in the past 2 days. It is time for the side effects out as she couldn't control her body anymore.

Not that I am worried, just very frustrating inside. However, please DO CALL to our house, I don't want to pick up any call.

I think something really bothers me in my mind, and I can't focus and concentrate to what I am good at.

I just want to be alone... just alone... want to cry out loud... really do.

(I know .. i know I need to hang on... and stuffs. I know what I need to do, but just can't control the depression anymore... wanna cry out loud.)

Don't worry. I will be fine.

Dear Lord,

Beside you, I bet no one can help me now. I can't control my tears come down from my eyes. I can't control mom's condition. There are so many human can't do but only YOU. I know you love me very much. Mom's condition is really bothering me. Still have3 more months to do. How can I be ok? Without you, I am nothing. Seriously, I am really tidy small.. smaller than the dust. Please Lord, your power is all covering us. Please take mom's uncomfort away. Please take Dad's tears away. Please give power to King & Ka Ho's as he is so exhausted from school work and taking care of Mom. Please don't let me think stupid things. Please take all those non-sense ideas away from me. God, I love you. I love you... I really want to hug you. Actually, I guess I really need your hug. I really do. Love you. In the name of Jesus Christ. ~Amen.