My Mom's regular entertainers (Day by Day)

Some of you are not keen on having pets, bcoz of their dirtiness and their behaviors. I love them so much, bcoz they actually heal me from my sadness. They keep me company no matter how much I take them away from my room, they are just waiting for me at the door. Sneak their heads into the room and check if I am allow them to go in.

After Boy Jai (my 1st standard poodle), I had Connor, and now Cookie is the only one left behind. He is getting old too. I don't change my behavior towards him bcoz of his age. He still looks the same to me. He still protects my family very closely. He take pain killer for joints, but still very alert to our activities.

He is not only protecting me, but he has the sense whether or not Mom is ok. He walks around with pain in the morning. When I am not at home, he make sure sitting at the Front door where block from outsiders and at the same time, he can stare at my Mom's room and being alert to my Mom's actions.

This morning, I found out the garbage bag which I was going to take out to Garage was broken. Based on the size of the hole and the traces (yeah, I love to watch C.S.I) and I know that was done by Cookie.

I shouted to Mom, "Mom, we are in trouble. We have a BIG Raccoon inside the house." Then I heard the ALMOST RUNNING FOOTSTEPS from mom's room to the 2nd floor hallway. Mom looked at me and asked, "Where is the Raccoon?" I pointed to Cookie who just standing beside my mom looking at me and mom. "THIS BIG RACCOON, I am going to buy smelly tofu and cook him up tonight, he ate the chicken mcnugget in the garbage bag."

Mom laughed and looked at Cookie, Cookie used 9.9 sec to run into Ka Ho's room and hide from her.



Thank you, Cookie. Make Mom laughed for 5 secs this morning.



Then, some of you may know I am pet sitting my friend's dog, Mickey. Well, just don't know how to say about this Dog. Same as Cookie, he is a senior (darn... I am living in a senior home). He doesn't bark, but scream like a sea skull; He sleeps more than anyone of us. He tries out EVERY SINGLE of the Cushions in my house. No matter how much my mom complains about his bad smell mouth, Mom still let him stays in her room with her. (He snores louder than anyone of us... *Sigh*...) but mom just loves to look at him. He will looks back to my mom's eyes too.

He looks like Smiling. Just bcoz he lost some of his front teeth already.

Doesn't matter, he gives us a lot of entertainments. SERIOUSLY, A LOT!!!!!!!!!!! Look at the following picture, and you know I am serious about serious.

Not by Ka Ho, Not by me, of coz, not by Mom. Who else? (Kenneth). Mickey has the deepest sleep that I ever seen among other dogs. However, Kenneth puts his new drawing on Mickey and Mickey just kept sleeping.... sleeping... even snoring after this picture taken (please note: he even snores beside me really loud NOW!). I should say Thank you to Lewis, but letting me pet sitting his dog so my mom has some entertain time after time.

Mom sudden laughs really hard bcoz she rethinks about what Mickey did. *sigh* That is why I love my mom being so simple and innocent.

Finally, the side effects are here

(Mom was so concentrating to the newspaper, bcoz she didn't want to feel like tired and be a patient)

I went to accupunture myself, end up I cancelled it bcoz Mom was not feeling well this morning. I wanted to go home early to just be there for her. Even end up she would be in her room and I would be in my room... but the symtoms are out....

She thought she feeling dizzy bcoz of the "Greenbean soup", but I knew it was the side effects.

She had been burbing since last night. If she keep burbing it ... I will call the nurse.

She feel cold... Not too sure if I should add more blankets to her, bcoz she didn't want the heater go up ($$$ plus she doesn't like HOT environment).

However, I told her to sleep whenever she felt tired, or loss energy. I told her to rest from reading newspaper when she felt weird.

Mom didn't want to have those side effects, had been fighting against it in the past 2 days. It is time for the side effects out as she couldn't control her body anymore.

Not that I am worried, just very frustrating inside. However, please DO CALL to our house, I don't want to pick up any call.

I think something really bothers me in my mind, and I can't focus and concentrate to what I am good at.

I just want to be alone... just alone... want to cry out loud... really do.

(I know .. i know I need to hang on... and stuffs. I know what I need to do, but just can't control the depression anymore... wanna cry out loud.)

Don't worry. I will be fine.

Dear Lord,

Beside you, I bet no one can help me now. I can't control my tears come down from my eyes. I can't control mom's condition. There are so many human can't do but only YOU. I know you love me very much. Mom's condition is really bothering me. Still have3 more months to do. How can I be ok? Without you, I am nothing. Seriously, I am really tidy small.. smaller than the dust. Please Lord, your power is all covering us. Please take mom's uncomfort away. Please take Dad's tears away. Please give power to King & Ka Ho's as he is so exhausted from school work and taking care of Mom. Please don't let me think stupid things. Please take all those non-sense ideas away from me. God, I love you. I love you... I really want to hug you. Actually, I guess I really need your hug. I really do. Love you. In the name of Jesus Christ. ~Amen.

Reiki a day, keeps the blood cells alive

Believe or not. Li's family came all the way from Mississauga to visit Mom. They went to lunch with us at Gal's sushi. Mom finished 1/2 L4 Bento box. She was so happy that she could eat the Sashimi. I am not too sure if this is ok for mom to eat this, but it seems like Mom is ok to eat that. Good to have Li's family to chit chat with mom. She needs some companies.

As you could see, Li's family was doing "Reiki" for mom. (For people you don't know what Reiki is, please google it. I don't want to explain it a bit.) Anyway, if you could see, there was not only Mom's benefit, but M&M.

Mom & Mickey (the dog on my mom's lap)

After an hour Reiki, Mom took a very good rest and started to eat the dried prume. Good that she had such mood to eat that.

(*my dearest Cousin Yu Hon was hiding behind and eating pizza. Thank you for everything and for bringing your parents to Markham and keeping my mom happy)

Thank you, Uncle Dave, Auntie Judy and Yu Hon (also to Jennfier, and daughters. Letting them come over for visiting.)

THank you.

苦中帶咸

今朝偷影阿媽講電話。。。

各位﹐唔使擔心﹐阿Lily 姐仲精神過嘉浩同我。

只係開始個口好咸同苦﹐唔係今想食野。不過﹐唔好以為佢真係唔食。只係揀D想食既﹐如果唔係好extreme﹐我無問題。唯獨是唔會想佢食甜野 (因為好多人都話Cancer cell 向糖份高既環境生長。

Anyway, she is doing ok up to now. It is Day 2 after 1st Chemo. Looks pretty good...

I will take care of her as much as I can.

感恩詩 (wrote by Dad the day before Mom's 1st Chemo. Do you know what it really means?)

感恩詩

恭聆福音耳朝東 (註1)

右眺窮蒼實無窮 (註2)

海旁上空求啟示 (註3)

誠禱默詠不言中 (註4)

寬慈恩雨心中受 (註5)

水邊下望念聖容 (註6)

半刻半秒承恩澤 (註7)

女賢子孝證恩隆 (註8)

註譯

1.         東方是太陽升起的方向﹐即代表正義和公正﹔暗示耳向這個方向會聽到神召的福音。

2.         向右望﹐望向天際則發覺宇宙真是無恭無盡的。

3.         站在浩瀚的海邊﹐看著上空﹐希望得到一些啟示。

4.         誠心默默的在心中禱告。

5.         在心中感受到神的寬容和慈愛的恩典﹐賜與我的身上。

6.         而站在水邊的我﹐低頭看著水面﹐想著和掛念著神的容貌。

7.         每一點滴的時間﹐都在得到神的恩典和惠澤。

8.         現今的我﹐有著賢德孝順的子女﹐足以證明神在眷顧著我﹐這些都令我足以感恩。

意譯

有一天早晨﹐太陽出來的時候﹐站在海邊﹐面向北﹐右耳向東﹐好像聽到太陽照過來的地方﹐有福音傳來﹐所以便轉過頭來向天望﹐感到天邊無際﹐宇宙浩瀚﹐希望可以得到神的啟示﹐跟著便垂下頭來﹐在心中唸唸有詞地默默在祈禱﹐在心內想念著神的儀容﹐內心感受著神給與的恩典﹐同時亦感受得到每分每秒都有神在眷顧著﹐再細心一想﹐現今有賢孝仔女﹐是神的恩賜﹐實於願足已﹐理應感恩。

Please look deeply to the poem, and leave your answer thru comment box if you really understand what my Dad wrote. Giving you all a week to think ... and I will tell you all the answer... =) Have Fun!!!

1st Chemotherapy

Date: Nov 29, 2010

Time: 8:30am - 12:30pm

Location: Centennial Hospital Chemo center

Mom, Ka Ho and I went to Chemo center together. I let Ka Ho with mom while I was waiting outside. Since I won't be here for 2nd Chemo, it maybe good for him to know what is going on and let the nurse knows him.

Dr. Tepperman arrived very very on time, right at 9:00am. He went straight to all the patients. Mom was assigned to sit in the very end corner (go in, turn left, then turn left again... you see mom at the corner looking at you)

When Dr. was talking to each patient one by one, Ka Ho came out, he asked me to go in with mom since I knew what was going on. I went in, and Dr just arrived to see mom. He asked all general questions, and suggested Mom not to take any additional vitamins (such as Omega, etc). I listened it while I used my phone to record what he said. When he almost finished, he padded on mom's knee and looked right to mom, "It will be a very difficult process for you, especially physically, but don't worry. If you need to talk to me, just call to my office and I will try my best to help you to release the pain and the frustration."

What kind of doctors does this hospital hire??? I could feel that kindness of this Dr. and to be honest, he is really doing this for my mom. Maybe bcoz he knows my Dad is a Dr too? or bcoz of Dr. Wong? I don't know... just all these Doctors, Nurses... even helpers... they are just too nice... too nice to be true!!!

Anyway, Dr left, I went back out and explained to Ka Ho. Ka Ho went back in to be with Mom. As usual, he joked around with the nurse and make Mom felt happier and more relief while he was present.

While Ka Ho was with Mom, I was waiting outside at the reception. I was praying in my heart. I was praying for nurse didn't have a hard time to do Mom's IV, praying Mom wouldn't get rashes on skin with the IV stuffs and bandaids, praying that Mom won't get hard time on her side effects... ... ...

While I was doing all these things at the same time, Ka Ho came out again... He said Nurse already put the IV in Mom and it was one time thing, Lisa the nurse did an awesome job!!! (*#1: God listens the prayer)

After awhile, Ka Ho came out again, and told me that Lisa the nurse prepare the 3 BIG "NEEDLE Type" for mom. They were RED... (yeah, Ka Ho sounded like telling me a ghost story). This was how I answered Ka Ho, "OH~~~ really? ~~~ waaa~~~ Of coz she brought them to mom, I knew the red stuffs, STUPID!" Ka Ho laughed his head off and went back to see mom.

All of a sudden, I sneaked in to check them out. When I arrived mom's station, I saw a very "awake Mom", I looked at her and asked if she felt any pain, she looked at me, "HA! I couldn't feel a thing... dim suen?" The Nurse was injecting those RED STUFFS into her and she was supposed to feel uncomfort. (I was thinking... after she gave birth to me, she could handle any pain!!!! yeah, I was 9.5 lbs, BIG BABY!)... 

When Lisa the nurse was injecting the stuffs, she told mom that she would need to drink a lot of water in order to raise those RED STUFFS out, or it will overload the kidneys. Mom nodded her head repeatly, Ka Ho and I were wondering if she really understood what Lisa said...

Around 12:00pm, Ka Ho came out with all the stuffs on his hands. I looked at him and he told me everything was completed. I looked at him and tried to digest what he was saying, I saw mom walking around in the room. I looked at Ka Ho again, and Ka Ho said, "yeah, don't look at me... I don't know what your mom is doing.. nurse asked her not to move around, and she just stood up and walking out... but yeah, she can leave if she is not dizzy or anything..." 

Mom came to me, "I am OK! Don't worry, but need to go to washroom." Then she came out from the washroom and sounded like a kid, "wow! Lisa was so true... the pee is RED!!!"  (*sigh, mom... Lisa already mentioned that million times, don't make it

look like you find out yourself... *sigh*) 

Sorry, I will make the Long story short... we left Hospital, mom complained she was very hungry, end up we went to Costco to have Burger with fries. Good thing was.. Mom didn't eat her fries that much. That means she starts to concern what she put into her mouth...

After we came back from getting the drugs for her side effects, she went to bed straight. Yeah, after a long morning, Mom was very tired.

But now... she is walking around in her room ... humm.... never listen to the medical team. But I know the condition may get worse tomorrow. Let's pray for her Not to get worse, will you?

I know she is very tired... just don't want to rest yet... *sigh*....

Fire in my heart...

OK, Flame in my heart is still on... but surroundings are just too cold now....

God takes care of my fire... he already put a number of firewoods in... it is warmer than before (FOR SURE)... but just afraid that the COLD surrounding makes the fire going smaller.

It is just so hard to maintain the fire... I will let God handle it. I can only do that much... can't do more than that now...

To all who care about my mom and my family, I am struggling on the edge now... breaking down and taking rest... it is just a line between. Please pray for my mom and my family.

Please pray for my mom in order to let God handle her uncomfortable feelings, her struggles, and her pain.
Please pray for my brother, Ka Ho, who is having exams and all kinds of stuffs in his life. Need to organize them by God.
Please pray for my father, who is worrying Mom everyday. He calls home every 4 hours. Just want to make sure Mom is ok mentally and trying to cheer her up when he sounds very down.
Please pray for my another brother, King, who is in HK, also having exams and thinking of mom everyday.
Please pray for me, as I am very depressed lately. feel that I can do more and do better for mom, but physically can't handle it. I also feel so guilty that I am not handling well on what God planned for me. Pray for wisdom from God.

Thank you for all your prayers.