Draining out...

Dear God,

Forgive me not to talk to you earlier. Forgive me going through all those challenges without you. I am not counting you out. I need you, and you know it. I have been very depressed these days.

There are a lot of things happening recently. I am trying to please MOM as much as I can. I am supporting Ka Ho in all directions. I am giving my energy and time to help Kenneth's house closing. I am managing my wedding budget as well as my own family finance.

My heavenly father, I don't want to stress my Dad out as I should manage family finance better, but it seems like I am failing to do it. I am very sorry. Please help me. I do understand there is a lot of things I can't control. I am just trying to ensure my parents have worry-free in Canada side. Our new house is closing, at the same time, I need to clean up our current house, as well as making sure Mom is doing well. I am draining out my energy. I am lost in the money again.

Whatever mom can eat, I will buy it for her. You know I don't like wasting food. But however, I can't take too much carbohydrate in my diet. End up, there are number of food I have to throw them away. I really don't want to do it. It is very much NOT ME! Plus, Ka Ho is not home for food at all time... How should I NOT wasting the food at the same time, I really don't know. God, please help me... I don't want my family move to a new house BROKE. I really don't want to. Please help me to manage the money wisely. This is what you gave us. This is how you let me through ....

Please protect mom. Mom goes easy... she would eat whatever she wants... Please God, help us... help us... help me.... I don't want to think about it ... anymore... please hug me and arm around me... I am using all my energy to make Mom feel better...

Please God, give me some of your mercy... please... I really need it. There are so many nights I cried out LOUD in my bed... not letting Mom knows... I don't have a job to support... family ... People always think Dr.'s family should have lots of money. My Lord, they are so wrong, especially when the Dr always give out free of charge and free drugs to ..... God... please take away my anger... please do so...

In the name of Jesus Christ, ~Amen.